What is it about growth and transformation, where you work on it and work on it and then find yourself seemingly starting from the beginning again. They say that we learn our lessons over and over, they come around and back around again. I guess it makes sense, sort of like walking through a museum and realizing you missed that painting the last time you were there, or that sculpture, you never noticed it before but now it is calling you to come closer and explore.
After a few frustrating years and feeling very disconnected from my spiritual path, I am bringing myself back around to the teachings I got early on my journey.
One of the first spiritual teachers on my path was Carolyn Myss. Carolyn spoke in one of my college lectures back in 1989, as a special guest to my teacher Albee Reiner who taught a lecture/class called the Biology of Cancer. Albee, although a scientist, brought in some unusual and alternative guest lecturers to help open our minds to the fact that our bodies process the information we give it and that we can have an impact on our biology by understanding how our emotions and beliefs impact our overall well-being. Books like ‘The Biology of Belief’ by Bruce Lipton, or ‘Molecules of Emotion’ by Candace Pert, these books highlight the energetics of how our minds impact our biology. These are early teachings for me, I understand this, and yet…where does this knowledge go in the midst of depression, anxiety, broken dreams and unresolved relationship issues, where does this knowledge disappear to as we live our day to day lives and why do we fall back into our old patterns over and over again?
As I am aging, I am more aware of my health, or rather the changes in my health from a youthful Goddess to the menopausal crone Goddess I have grown into. But I am wondering, how much of this has been brought on by the natural aging process and how much by the things I have done, and said, and believed about my own lack, my issues of feeling not good enough, rejection or negative self-talk.
It’s the mind, the ego. Here is a well-known quote: “if you don’t control your mind, your mind will control you” and if you don’t control your thoughts, your thoughts will control you. I am aware, once again, I have to become a master of my thoughts, and challenge those thoughts that are expressing lack, dissatisfaction, complaining, and most of all fear.
So I will begin again at becoming a master of my thinking. I have read statistics that we have roughly 70,000 thoughts a day, and half of those thoughts are on auto-pilot, that means about 35,000 thoughts a day we are not even aware of. Automatic negative thoughts, Daniel Amen calls them ANT’s, and says we have to become ANT eaters. That means recognizing the thoughts, bringing them out of automatic and into conscious awareness. If I am feeling bad and nothing bad is happening to me, then that is my red flag that I am having bad thoughts. Now I have taken the unconscious and brought it into conscious awareness. When I recognize I am feeling bad, but nothing bad is happening ie: no one is punching me, kicking me or harming me, then I know it is time to take back control and look for a better feeling thought. It is important to understand, I may not have control when that bad feeling comes over me, but I do have control with what I do with it, I am at choice. So I will leave today’s post with this. A new affirmation. I am the Goddess, I am working on it, I am safe in this moment, the elegant here and now, there is nothing bad happening to me except for my negative thoughts, I thank them for making me aware that there is something to look at and challenge, because underneath all that negative self-talk is the truth – I am the Goddess, I love myself and my life, I am safe, I am on a life’s journey, there will be obstacles in my path, but it is all just part of the path. I will continue to learn and grow, and in the meantime I will remember I am made of love, I am abundant with love and I am thankful for all the good I have. Blessed Be.
Soaring Beauty 